


before you go

by Asher__Queen



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir Bashing, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alya Césaire Bashing, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Ladybug Nathaniel Kurtzberg, Lila Rossi Bashing, Lila Rossi's Lies Are Exposed, M/M, Other, class salt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-15
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:20:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 13
Words: 8,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24740692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Asher__Queen/pseuds/Asher__Queen
Summary: Just seeing a single glimpse of the look on Marinette’s face completely broke his heart.She looked… tired, exhausted. And not in the usual way. Nathanael almost caught himself walking over to support her, only for Alix to pin him with a stare, as if he’d be written off too if he went to her.And he’d almost convinced himself that it was worth it when Marinette let out a deep, long-suffering sigh. Just the sound of it made a shudder go down his spine. She gathered the tattered pieces of her sketchbook, turned around to face Mme. Bustier, and said, “I’m sorry, but I need to leave. I get that I’m supposed to be the bigger person and all that jazz, but I just…. I need to go home.”Mme. Bustier looked like she wanted to object, but Marinette was gone before she could even open her mouth.That was the last time Nathanael saw her alive.
Relationships: Marc Anciel/Nathaniel Kurtzberg
Comments: 156
Kudos: 652





	1. before you go

**Author's Note:**

> This is sad. That's all I gotta say. It's gonna be a bit of a mess.

Just seeing a single glimpse of the look on Marinette’s face completely broke his heart.

She looked… tired, exhausted. And not in the usual way. Nathanael almost caught himself walking over to support her, only for Alix to pin him with a stare, as if he’d be written off too if he went to her.

And he’d almost convinced himself that it was worth it when Marinette let out a deep, long-suffering sigh. Just the sound of it made a shudder go down his spine. She gathered the tattered pieces of her sketchbook, turned around to face Mme. Bustier, and said, “I’m sorry, but I need to leave. I get that I’m supposed to be the bigger person and all that jazz, but I just…. I need to go home.”

Mme. Bustier looked like she wanted to object, but Marinette was gone before she could even open her mouth.

That was the last time Nathanael saw her alive.  
______

Honestly, just being at her funeral made him feel sick.

He didn’t deserve to be there. A majority of the people there didn’t deserve to be. He could’ve helped, he could’ve reached out to her and helped her. But he just sat there - let the fear of being ostracized turn him into a bystander. 

He stood by while people Marinette used to be able to trust slowly buried her. Every time they bullied her, he watched, pleading with his body to move, to stand by her, to defend her. But he couldn’t. 

And, because of that, every person who knew and loved Marinette Dupain-Cheng lost a little faith in humanity.

Nathanael saw how her parents were openly crying, tears rolling down their faces in ever constant streams. How their classmates simply seemed subdued, not at all upset by the loss, small smirks on Lila and Alya’s lips. Juleka’s older brother, who he learned was one of Marinette's’ closest friends, was clutching a bracelet in his hand with a white-knuckled grip, his shoulders trembling.

Even Jagged Stone, who claimed to be a family friend and Marinette's’ honorary uncle, was bawling, all of his rockstar pretenses falling. It was hard - to be a bystander to all of this.

The first time, he could have done something. He could’ve stopped all of this from happening. But this time? There was nothing he could do to help. Or maybe he was giving himself too much credit. He couldn’t even get up the courage to talk to Marinette the first time without a little help from a butterfly - what could he have done without the extra boost of courage the akuma gave him?

Probably nothing.

Just the thought of it made his heart tighten in his chest. What could he have done? He was just a boy with a crush. Marinette probably didn’t even notice him, in all honesty. 

And he froze at the thought, his eyes growing misty as he stared at the ground. There was no way Marinette hadn’t noticed him. Marinette noticed everybody. She was the kindest girl he knew, gentle, warm, and so sweet it could give someone a cavity.

Which only served to make his stomach churn.

In reality, how could such an incredible girl take such a sharp left and start harassing people? Much less a new girl that had only been there for a few months. Marinette and Lila were rarely left alone together, and it was always Lila that initiated those private little conversations in the first place.

What bullying victim actively went to talk to their bully?

Something just… didn’t feel right about that. And Nathanael drew in the deepest breath he could manage, lifted his head, and released it. If he couldn’t do anything for Marinette in life, he’d see to it that she had justice in death. With that conviction, he plucked an apple blossom from the small bouquet surrounding her plot and let it fall.


	2. lost

Because they had all been so “close” with Marinette, their class had been allowed a week off from school to grieve.

And he watched in disgust as Lila and Alya used that time to plan a party. “So, Lila, I’ve got the perfect place for the party! Juleka, her bro, and her mom are staying with Tom and Sabine, so they need someone to watch the boat! I already volunteered!”

Lila smiled widely, looking a bit too pleased with that, and said, “That will be perfect. I could see if Uncle Jagged would be up to playing for us. He was so upset at the gathering.” “Gathering? Lila, it was a funeral. Is it okay for us to be planning a party after a classmate of ours died?”

Lila turned to look at him and he realized that, somehow, he’d accidentally spoken aloud. Oddly enough, he didn’t feel bad about speaking up this time. He knew that was going to change though when she gave him a sickly sweet smile.

“Nath,” She started, and he shivered. Only Marinette had called him that, and it always sounded beautiful from her. Lila saying it, especially with that tone, sounded like nails on a chalkboard. “We’re planning this party so everyone can distract themselves-” “Yeah, yeah. Okay. I’m not going, though.”

Nathanael saw her eye twitch the moment he interrupted her, but he didn’t have it in him to feel bad about it. He mostly just wanted to pretend like she wasn’t there for a bit, so he just stood up and looked over at Alya. “The tribute’s happening later tonight, around 8:00 I think. Are you gonna be there?”

She waved him off. He sighed softly, turning his back on the girls and leaving the room, only to hear Alya say, “Like hell I’m going to a bully's tribute. I can’t believe they’re even doing one for her.”

Just hearing that made his blood boil, and he turned around, glaring at Alya. But he didn’t say anything. From her reaction, wide eyes and mouth agape, she understood well enough how he felt about what she said.  
______

  
Out of pure worry for his friend's - or ex-friend's - family, Nathanael found himself visiting the bakery a lot more often than he would have under normal circumstances.

He hadn’t been at the bakery for months.

Oddly enough, it took his crush and close friend dying for him to realize just how much he missed Tom Dupain’s tarte au citron meringuée. But, one day when he went to visit, he found that the bakery was open, though there were no patrons inside.

And he stepped in, as nervous as always.

Mrs. Cheng was manning the register, and he waved quietly as he headed to the display case, trying his best not to disturb her. Only for her to randomly speak up, her voice the epitome of calm. “Nathanael, dear, we found something of Marinette's that we think….. I think she would want you and your class to have. Would you mind heading upstairs?”

Nathanael nodded haltingly, not even able to bring himself to speak to her, and went around the counter to go upstairs. Mr. Dupain stopped him, though, when he gently tapped his shoulder. 

"You were one of Marinette's classmates in Mme. Bustiers' class, aren't you?" "Um, yessir," He agreed, and Mr. Dupain gave him a sad smile. "Then head on up, son. We'll close up for tonight and meet you in the living room. Make yourself at home." With any other family, he might've been apprehensive about going into their home unsupervised. But the Dupain-Chengs were different. Mostly because they were a staple in the community, and he'd known them since he was a _very_ small child. He knew he could trust them.

So he went upstairs.

Nathanael was faced with the sight of Marinette's hatch open with boxes packed around the bottom of her ladder. Seeing that crushed his heart. Marinette would hate to see her parents poking around her room and packing up her things, but, with her... gone, she didn't have much of a say anymore. And he winced as he tripped over one of the boxes, so deep in his head that he didn't notice it right in front of his feet. He fell to the ground, bracing himself with his arms, and gasped when he noticed the box he'd tripped over torn and open. 

"Damn it," He swore, scrambling to pick everything up and return it to its' rightful spot in the box. Just as he finished putting almost everything away, he noticed something out of the corner of his eye. 

He turned to grab it, just in time to see a small, pale hand grab it before he did. "I see Marinette wasn't the only clumsy one in her group of friends." Nathanael jolted at the sound of Mrs. Cheng's voice and looked up at her. "I'm sorry, I wasn't paying attention and I tripped. I was just-!" "Cleaning up? It's alright, dear. There's no need to worry about it. Do you need any help getting up?" 

He shook his head softly, clambering to his feet and sighing softly in relief when his knees didn't buckle under his weight, "No, thank you, ma'am." 

But, when two large hands clapped down on his shoulders, he jumped, at least, a foot up into the air and turned around mid-air. And his legs nearly gave out when he saw Tom Dupain looking at him blankly behind him. When in the hell did _he_ get there?

"You're fine, son. We all have a lot on our minds, with things as they are right now. A little trip-up here and there hasn't hurt anybody too bad yet." 

"Tell me that after you've seen Marinette tripping at school." The words were out of his mouth before he even registered them, and he snapped his mouth shut as soon as he was done speaking them. It was a little too easy, talking like Marinette was still there. Like she'd come bounding down her ladder and greet them on her way to wherever she went during the day.

And he cringed, "... Sorry. That's gonna be a hard habit to break, I guess." "It's alright," Mrs. Cheng sighed, "Now, onto why we asked you up here." Nathanael frowned, limping over to their couch, and turned to look at them, only to see Mrs. Cheng climbing her way into Marinette's room and Mr. Dupain looking at him with a calculating stare. "You must be aware of the bullying Marinette was going through. So, I'm going to have to ask that you understand me asking this question," Mr. Dupain said, cryptic, and Nathanael swallowed audibly. 

"Sir?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boy, do I love cliffhangers.


	3. only human

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slight language warning for this one.

As soon as he returned home, he curled up in his bed, wrapped up in his comforter. And he felt the tears rolling down his cheeks before he even noticed his need to cry. 

Even with the threat of being akumatized again hanging over his head, he couldn’t find it in himself to care. He knew deep down that he did need to calm down, breathe, and stop crying. But he couldn’t, no matter how hard he tried. 

At the end of the day, Nathanael realized that not once, did he think about how flawed Marinette was. Mme. Bustier always claimed that Marinette was a person whose footsteps they should follow and that always led to her classmates putting her on a pedestal. But she was flawed; she made mistakes, she did things no one would expect from her, and she was the one who had to apologize for it.

The moment she stepped down from that pedestal to be human for once, her classmates looked down on her. Even if he didn’t want to accept it, he’d looked down on her too.

He’d thought the worst of her, even for a second, and cast her aside when Lila came marching in. There had never been a time when someone just let her be Marinette and human at the same time. It was always one or the other. And he felt like his heart was being ripped out of his chest. 

He heard the akuma’s wings flapping more than he saw it, but, before the villain could even try to say anything, Nathanael groaned in frustration.

“Fuck off, Hawkmoth! There’s nothing you can offer me right now so just back off,” He growled, his voice rough behind gritted teeth, and he heard the sound of the butterfly lingering for a moment before flying away. And he almost laughed, just for the sake of pure irony. 

The emotions he as feeling were extremely strong, and he’d probably make for an incredible akuma. But the few things Hawkmoth could offer him, Nathanael didn’t want. Well, other than Marinette back. That was impossible though.

So Nathanael resolved himself to just continue to lay in bed, wallowing in his misery, when his phone suddenly rang.

_Lê Chiến Kim_

He sighed, quickly pressing the answer button. Immediately, he regretted it because the loudest music he’d ever heard blasted in his room, with Kim’s muffled voice beneath it. Despite how loud the music was, though, he could just barely make out what Kim was trying to say.

_“Hey, I just wanted to talk to you about something. And this is serious, man. Do you think we can meet up?”_

“Um, I don’t know. Maybe? It’s pretty late.”

_“Yeah I’m usually asleep right now, but Lila wanted to have this party especially bad. Actually, why aren’t_ you _here?”_ He flinched at Kim’s tone, but hesitantly replied, “I don’t feel like it’s right for us to party the week after one of our friends die.” “ _.... I’d say Marinette wasn’t a friend, but that - Yeah, just meet me by the Arc in ten. Bye, dude.”_

Before he even got a chance to reply, Kim hung up.

And Nathanael groaned softly, sitting up and sighing when his spine protested the movement. He stretched, just enough for his spine to pop and release the tension from being in one position for so long, and pulled on the shoes next to the foot of his bed. He didn't care if the shoes matched, or if his socks did. But he _did_ care about being able to get to the Seine in time. 

He let out a soft sigh and stood up, ignoring the slight ache in his oddly weary bones. Luckily, he managed to stay standing and headed out of the door, but not before he rushed to his dresser and grabbed something from the box he'd been given.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I have a question for anyone interested in this story. If there's anything you'd be interested in seeing, I'm more than willing to take suggestions. Writing for this story is going kinda slow, and I wish I could put out chapters quicker, but I'm not as much of a creative spirit as my fellow authors.
> 
> So, if you guys had any ideas, I would love to hear about them. If so, please share in the comments. Thanks so much for reading and I hope to see you again soon! Stay safe!


	4. all the kids are depressed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's some slight cursing. Just warning you now! It's still gonna be Kim in the next chapter, I think. I don't know though! Enjoy!

Kim wanted to believe that Marinette had been jealous.

He wanted nothing more than to believe that she was just being mean for no reason, and, one day, she'd walk over and apologize. And everything would be okay. He'd have a gym buddy again, someone to try and talk him out of his bets with Alix, and they wouldn't have to deal with the weird feeling of conflict in class. But none of that happened.

Nope, not at all. 

Instead, three weeks after Alya went too far with trying to bully Marinette into apologizing to Lila, Mme. Bustier came into class with tear tracks on her face. Immediately, the entire class quieted down and stared in shock. She looked like she was actively trying her best not to cry, but she was failing badly. And Lila was the only one brave enough to speak up. "What's wrong, Miss Bustier? Did something happen?"

She nodded softly, before walking over to her desk and collapsing into the chair. "I'm sorry that I'm the one to tell you all this, but Marinette will no longer be attending this class." "Why is that a bad thing? Marinette's nothing but a bully. We should be _happy_ that she's not coming here anymore, " Alya said, but she froze when a very familiar throat clearing came from the classroom entrance.

"What Caline means to say," Mme. Mendeleiv said from the doorway, "is that Marinette will not be attending any class at all, seeing as she passed away yesterday morning." The class was... Very quiet after that. Everything after that went by fast. He stuck to his routine of waking up early, taking a quick jog around his neighborhood, and heading to school. Until, one day, Principle Damocles let everyone in Marinette's class leave school early for Marinette's funeral. Then he let everyone in Marinette's class take a week off from school to "grieve."

Honestly, it just looked like Alya and Lila just wanted to use that time to throw parties.

The Dupain-Chengs were surprisingly close with the Couffaines, and the Couffaines left the houseboat to stay with Marinette's parents on land. They would need someone to watch the boat. And he'd almost offered to do it when Alya shot up, swearing to take good care of their home. 

With the mess the party was making, it was easy to say that she was doing a bad job. 

Kim just sat in the corner, watching as his friends partied a bit too happily. Normally, he would've been out there, dancing and playing around, but he couldn't even bring himself to walk over to his friends. Even Nino and Adrien were dancing - how Adrien managed to get out of the house long enough to come to the party was a mystery he didn't even want to try and solve.

So he just sat there doing nothing.

Honestly, just being at the party was starting to make him feel like crap. There were so many things that he wanted to say when he found out about it, like why it felt more like Lila and Alya were celebrating. But he knew he couldn't say a word without being singled out and shunned. And he, like so many other people, thrived best when he was surrounded by people he cared about. It was for that exact reason that Kim never really said anything to the contrary of what Lila was saying about Marinette.

He'd grown up with her, seen her at her worst, and knew for a fact that she never would've done _half_ of the things Lila accused her of. And the other half? She wouldn't even wish that on her worst enemy. 

Marinette had grown up without a single malicious bone in her body. For her to suddenly flip the script and go out of her way to attack a random girls' character, there had to be a reason. And she'd always hated liars, more than anything. So... when Lila had first arrived in their class and told them stories of her oh-so-exciting life and Marinette accused her of lying, there had to be a _reason._

"Careful, you keep thinking so hard and you might make your brain explode."

Kim looked up in a rush, only to be greeted by the sight of the resident class shorty. She had a smirk on her face, one that rubbed him the wrong way, but he only acknowledged her presence with a quiet grunt. And, suddenly, it was like their playful rivalry was forgotten. Alix sat down beside him, gently nudging him with her shoulder, "Hey, what's up? I've never seen you look so confused before."

"Marinette wasn't jealous."

She blinked, probably trying to process what he'd said, but he had to say something to someone. So he continued. "I've seen what Marinette looks - looked like when she got jealous. I just..... I can't see Mari doing any of the stuff Lila said she was doing. She fucking said Marinette attacked her! Pushed her down stairs right outside of the principles office! Marinette never would've done that... She literally wouldn't hurt a fly, much less Lila."

"A-Are you sure about that? We both saw what she got like when she was around Adrien." He shook his head, looking at Alix out of the corner of his eye. "No. She got pouty, sure. Mopey, definitely! But angry and violent? No freaking way! She wouldn't attack somebody just because her crush didn't like her back! The Marinette I knew wouldn't raise her hand to hurt anybody."

Alix looked pensive like she didn't know what to think, but he could tell that what he'd said was getting to her, so he kept talking. 

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but, if a fight broke out in the class, who did we all expect to resolve it? Marinette, right?" Alix nodded softly in assent. "And we've seen Marinette get in a fight with someone and apologize before. So we know she wouldn't hesitate to be the bigger person and apologize. Why was it so different with Lila?" "Because Marinette accused Lila of lying," She answered slowly, and he could practically see the wheels turning in her head. 

"And what is one thing that Marinette hated?" 

"Liars."

"Right after Marinette called her out in front of us, didn't Lila start saying that Marinette was bullying her? That timing was a bit too convenient, am I right?" And he watched as her face went pale. "Holy shit, Lila was actually lying," Alix gasped, "Holy shit, we abandoned our friend for nothing."

And that was when he realized - Yep, he'd pretty much abandoned a girl he considered to be like a little sister for no reason. That hurt a lot more than he was willing to admit. But, unlike Alix, he was coming up with a little idea. "God, we should've just listened to Marinette! Then she wouldn't be dead, and we wouldn't have to deal with bull-!" 

"Hey, I just wanted to talk to you about something. And this is actually really serious, man. Do you think we can meet up? _”_

Alix looked up at him, confusion and frustration, and a whole lot more emotions all over her face, but he just stood up and started pacing. Marinette was their planner, she was the one who thought everything through for them, but, since she wasn't there anymore, he'd work through this on his own.

They needed a gameplan, and he'd come up with it on his own if he needed to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I made Kim a bit too much of a detective, but, hey, I've been reading way too many Batman AU stories. Honestly, I feel like the people who saw Marinette the most would figure things out the fastest since they have way more of Marinette's character to go off of.
> 
> So yeah, Kim finds out since he was childhood friends with Marinette and he helps Alix out of Lila's clutches too.


	5. all the ghosts we've left behind

Nino sighed, quickly walking away from the mass of dancing bodies, and stepped away to take a breather.

Sure, the party was fun and all, but something just kept nagging at him in the corner of his mind. Wasn’t it… There was something weird about how _eager_ Lila had been to throw this party. How chill Alya was after finding out that her best friend died. Maybe Marinette hadn’t been the greatest friend, she had her downfalls for sure, but they hadn’t been great friends to her either.

They weren't the only ones who were owed apologies. But, now, no one would be able to apologize. Or pay her back for all the times she’d watched their siblings, or made them clothes and jewelry, along with the free snacks they’d been gifted.

He didn’t get a chance to talk to her, his childhood best friend before she died. They didn't even know _how_ she died. Not that he wanted to know - it was more like he wanted to know if he'd had a chance to say goodbye. But he couldn't bring himself to ask, and no one offered the information. Nino had a pretty good idea, no matter how little he wanted to entertain the thought, so he settled for leaning against the railing of the boat.

If there hadn't been a party, it was almost peaceful. He could make out the crescent moon through the clouds, and the chill in the air and lungs helped clear his head. What it didn't help, though, was how he tensed when he felt arms wrap around his middle.

"Hey, Nino," Alya drawled, and he huffed softly, turning to her with the best smile he could conjure up. "Hey, Aly." His voice sounded flat, even to his ears, and he watched as her eyes searched his face in concern. 

"Is something wrong?" "Yeah, Alya, something's wrong." She wanted him to elaborate, obviously, but he just moved on with the topic of the conversation. "So, how's Lila? She seemed upset earlier." She eyed him suspiciously, but he continued to ignore it, looking her dead in the eye. Her brows drew together but she seemingly decided to relent. "Yeah, no. She's okay now. We managed to calm her down, but she was mostly crying since she was happy the jealous _bitch_ isn't gonna be able to bother her anymore." 

Okay, he knew what it was like to be happy that a bully couldn't bother anyone. But the circumstances were a little bit fucked up for Lila to be happy. Somebody had died, not moved away or left school.

When Chloe left school to join her Mom in New York, they'd been happy because she couldn't hurt any more feelings, or open old wounds. 

But Chloe came back. And she seemed oddly reformed, seeing as she was the only one who willingly hung out with Marinette, even if she didn't attend their school anymore. Marinette, however, could never come back. She was just... dead, gone. 

And hearing that Lila was happy that Marinette, his original dudette, was dead? Excuse him if that rubbed him the wrong way. Just hearing Alya call a girl she was so close with a bitch made him feel a bit sick. He stepped away from Alya, blatantly ignoring the way her eyes grew surprised, and mumbled, "That's good. Wouldn't want her getting akumatized again."

Nino surprised himself and Alya when, after that, he walked away. 

"Yo, Nino!" He turned around, relaxing a bit when he saw Adrien heading towards him and smiled weakly. "Yo! When did you get here?" "Lila convinced my dad to let me come since it would be good for me to 'grieve'," Adrien laughed, and, okay, so maybe he was a little more uncomfortable with Adrien than he was with Alya. 

Did he seriously laugh like they hadn't helped Marinette's parents bury their classmate and _friend_? 

He, Nino, Kim, and Ivan were her freaking pallbearers. They'd helped put her in the ground. Nino suddenly saw Adrien in a completely different light. "Dude, are you laughing?" Adrien chuckled awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck, " I mean, yeah...? We're at a party, we shouldn't bum ourselves out." "Adrien, buddy, pal, our _friend_ just _died._ And you're laughing?" 

His face fell, and Nino almost wanted to feel bad. But, infuriatingly, that look of somber realization fell away again with Nino saw Lila latch onto his arm. 

"Hey, Nino? Is it okay if I borrow Adrien for a second? Yes? Thank you so much! Enjoy the party!" And she dragged him aside. He didn't have much time to process anything she'd said until she was walking away, and he felt a vein in his forehead tick. Alya being so crass about the death of his and her best friend, Adrien seemingly not caring, and Lila's entire... existence - all of it was ticking him off beyond belief.

But he owed it to himself to calm down. No matter how badly he wanted to get angry, he couldn't. So, again, Nino just walked off. Just in time to see Kim and Alix walking off the boat and meeting up with Nathanael.

And, damn, Nathanael looked worse for wear, dark bags under his eyes visible in the darkness and rumpled clothes. 

Kim and Alix looked better than him, but they seemed upset as well if the deep frown on Kim's face and the glistening tears tracks on Alix's were anything to go off of. When he got shoved into the railing by a fumbling Rose, though, he decided that for once, he preferred the quiet over the pounding bass of the music. So Nino made his way to the gangplank, walking over to them with a greeting on his tongue.

Only to catch the slightest snippets of conversation as he came close. "-mmitted suicide. Marinette left some stuff for you guys to go get from her parents."

_Suicide?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We got some Adrien moments! Yay! I figured I'd have Nino, Nathanael, Kim, and Alix realize what was going on, and then form a group to prevent Lila from getting to any new students that may or may not be joining the class (Thank you, Andromeda612, for the idea of Marc being a new student. I appreciate it!)
> 
> Also, I just want to explain two things: 
> 
> 1\. Adrien isn't trying, intentionally, to seem unaffected by Marinette's death. I feel that Adrien would be in a state of denial. He's not necessarily in denial about Marinette's death, so much as the fact that he won't be able to interact with her again.
> 
> 2\. Marinette's cause of death wasn't disclosed to anyone, so Nino had no idea what happened. The whole class just knew that she'd died, that was all.


	6. so they dug your grave

Alix felt something in her mind freeze, like a record scratching, and stared at Nathanael in shock.

He looked so sure, but there was no way. Marinette had never really - she never showed any - she never seemed _depressed_! That wasn’t true. Lila just refused to let anyone get close enough to Marinette for anyone to spot it and help her. Just thinking back, she wouldn’t’ve been surprised if she’d been toeing the line between wanting to live and wanting to die for a while.

It was rare enough to see Marinette in general - Seeing her truly happy and smiling that million-watt smile was as likely as winning the lottery after everyone in the world had a card to play.

And she muttered softly, “I’m not shocked.” Just the admission made her wince, and she looked up to see a sadly nodding Nathanael, shell-shocked Kim, and…. A seemingly paralyzed Nino. The others must’ve followed her eyes because soon enough, Nino had joined their little group and they were walking away from the boat in a trance.

She only realized where they were going when a familiar warmth washed over her, reminding her of the smell of buttered bread and sweets. 

“Oh, _hell_ no. I just realized that I abandoned Marinette with no good reason, and you want me to go talk to her _parents_?!” Nathanael turned and gave her a look that made her heart clench tightly in her chest. “Yeah, well, kinda owe it to Marinette, don’t we?” She grimaced, nodding grimly in agreement, and looked away. Out of the corner of her eye, Alix watched as Kim and Nino nodded too. So Nathanael just huffed, turning to face the bakery. "I'll text Luka to let us in..." He murmured, and she had to strain her ears to hear him.

It was hard enough, being there without Marinette there to let them up. But remembering all the times she'd been in their house, just hanging out with Marinette or "helping" come up with a plan/scheme to get Adrien to fall in love with their resident bluenette -

Stepping into her house, seeing her parents and the Couffaines, just made things seem a bit more final. Marinette wasn't going to come bounding down her steps to drag them into her room or come out of the kitchen with flour all over her face. She wasn't coming back. And she'd _chosen_ to not come back.

She'd _wanted_ to die.

Alix took in a deep breath, ignoring the way her vision grew misty and looked up to see Luka looking down at them with bloodshot blue eyes. Immediately, he looked away, facing Nathanael. "Hey, back already?" He sighed, and Nathanael smiled weakly. "Yeah, figured it'd be best to get this over with."

She didn't like how Luka's eyes narrowed when he looked back at them.

But Luka was just being wary of them. With everything they'd done, it made sense. So she just looked away, ducking her head. "Alya's throwing a party on the boat - just letting you know," Kim muttered, more subdued than she'd ever seen him, and Nino nodded. "Yeah, it was pretty messy when we left." "Come here to rat out your girlfriend?" Luka hissed, his eyes dark and narrowed on Nino, and Alix almost wanted to come to his defense.

She wasn't expecting to hear him say, "Not so sure I even _want_ to date Alya anymore," under his breath.

"Luka, that's not how we treat guests." He immediately straightened up, his jaw clenched as he walked into the kitchen, going from angrily acknowledging their existence to pretending like they weren't there. And that was fair. Alix had seen for herself just how _close_ he was with Marinette, she'd seen the way he'd send her little smiles every time she came on the boat and the little gifts Marinette would leave in his room. 

  
They probably didn't have a romantic relationship but whatever they had hadn't been platonic. 

After Luka's little departure from the room, Sabine came over and greeted them like they hadn't had a role to play in the death of her only child. Offering them sweets or food in general, and letting them join her in the living room. And Alix waited, for Sabine to lose her patience with them and blow up. But she never did. Sabine simply watched them, her eyes strangely empty, before heading up the stair to Marinette's room. 

"What's she doing?" Kim muttered, and Nath just shrugged. "You'll find out when she comes back."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so, cliffhanger. You guys will find out what Marinette left for everyone in the next chapter! Might need a tissue warning for that. I doubt it though - I'm bad at writing the tear-inducing stuffs. Also, I might be going to Luka's point of view in a couple of chapters. That's gonna be interesting. Thank you so much for your support!
> 
> holy crap, we're already past 200 kudos and 50 bookmarks?! i'm so happy right now!


	7. my soul's been gravity bound

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I'm only writing this little since I've been in a bit of a rut lately. I'm hoping the next chapter will be longer, but I can't promise anything. Writers' block is an a-hole. Also, this includes some headcanons I have for Luka. These are specific to this story, so no other story I'm going to write is going to involve these. Whaddya think?

Luka _wanted_ to be mad.

He wanted to _hate_ every person in her class, _including_ his sister. But he knew that, no matter what he wanted, it wasn't what he needed. Being akumatized once was hard enough, and that was with Marinette there to comfort him. If he didn't calm down, he'd have to suffer through that trauma without his favorite melody by his side. So he just stood in the kitchen, watching them over the counter. Plus, as angry as he was with her class, Nathanael had already proven that he was just as upset about his classmates as he was. So he had no problems with him. The others, however? Nino, Kim, and Alix? Luka wanted nothing more than to watch them take a long walk off of a short pier.

Maybe that was too violent, but that didn't stop him from fantasizing about it.

Just being in the same place as some of her close friends made him want to throw them out of a window. Maybe then, they'd understand how Marinette had felt when their bullying finally pushed her to the ledge. He stopped glaring once he saw Sabine climbing back down into the living room, though. She was angry too, he knew that, but her anger was quiet. Calm like the sea just before a storm, still and dark. His rage more closely resembled a typhoon.

And Luka busied himself with cleaning the kitchen, systematically tearing it apart to put it back together. Tom wouldn't appreciate watching the process, but the nearly-obsessive result was more than enough to make up for it. Every single dry ingredient in their cabinets was sorted based on size and consistency, and every dish was pulled out, washed, dried, and placed in order.

Being a child of Anarka Couffaine meant that he embraced the chaos that came with living with his mother. But he'd inherited many things from his father that made fully embracing chaos _very_ difficult. 

  
For one, he was a bit of a clean freak. Whenever he was angry, or upset, anxious, etc. he would clean, or play his guitar as loud as he could. Since his family and Tom was sleeping in the next room and bedroom just down the hall, he cleaned. 

By the time he calmed down, the door was opening, and he was just barely able to catch a look at the pink-haired girl - Alix, maybe - following after her friends with a tear-soaked face. And Luka huffed a sigh, putting away the final pan.

"Luka, you need to go to sleep. You have school tomorrow."

He looked up at Sabine, seeing how her face was drawn tight with exhaustion, and felt a strong sense of deja vu. Marinette would always remind him that he needed to rest, even when she was running herself ragged. She'd never let her weariness stop her from caring for other people. And he made the same deal with Sabine that he'd made with Marinette hundreds of times before.

"I'll go to sleep when you do, Mama S."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Um, did I say we'd find out what she left them this chapter? Cause, if I did, I'm sorry. I'm gonna draw that out a little bit, but we will find out what she left for Nino! I think you guys might already have an idea, so leave some guesses in the comments! I'd love to hear what you guys think!


	8. freedom don't come for free

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little look into what she left for Nino.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a bit more of a filler chapter until I get back on track with writing this story! I'm sorry it's taking me so long, but I'm gonna get to work on this story again soon. Hope you guys enjoy!

_Dear Nino,_

_Hey, buddy, old pal. This is awkward, writing you a letter like this. The last time I had to write you a letter was back in maternelle after you left for music camp. It was fun because you always sent me little photos of the friends you were making there and it made me happy. Writing to you now is different - in a lot of ways._

_1 - Because it was a lot easier speaking my mind when I was younger. I didn't worry as much back then, I think._

_2 -You might not get this for a while, depending on how quickly you come to visit my parents._

_And, 3 - I won't be there to get your letter back, and that's sort of weighing on me._

_Mostly, I just want to tell you that I love you, I'll miss you, and that I wish you nothing but the best. You deserve that. I know that what I'm doing is selfish and cruel, and you have every right to hate me for doing it. But I've just realized that, for the first time, I_ want _to be selfish. If you deserve the best in life, then I'd like to say that, maybe, I deserve some peace in death._

_Since you're reading this, I'm assuming that you got the things I'm leaving for you. And I know it's a lot, both literally and figuratively, but I want you to have them. Majority of the stuff in your box are commissions that you asked for anyway, so I hope you like them. Also, I bought you some very early birthday presents to make up for the birthdays that I'll miss. The receipts are with the presents in case you want to return them, but, hopefully, you won't have to. I'd like to think that you still have the same taste as always._

_There are few things that I wanted to tell you about - like how I knew that Alya had a huge crush on you while you liked me, so I locked you two in that cage together to get you to talk, or how I told Thomas Astruc all about your short films. I thought that, even if you were disappointed in me, I could still help. I overheard you talking to Alya about M. Astruc reaching out to you about working with him, so I guess I managed to help after all._

_But I won't be able to tell you anything else outside of this letter. I'd make it longer if I wasn't so exhausted right now, and there's a lot of things that would be better off unsaid. So I won't say anything more. It's sad to me that this is how our friendship officially ends, but it can't be helped. You want to thrive, and I want to rest. Those are two different paths that can't co-exist. So this is where we go our separate ways. I love you, Nino Lahiffe. I'll miss you, more than you could ever know._

_The original Dudette,_

_Marinette Yu Yan Dupain-Cheng_

_P.S_

_There's an old phonograph under my loft that I want you to have. I shouldn't have had it in the first place, and I think it suits you better. Please trust me when I say that it's better off with you. Goodbye, Nino._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I had Marinette use her full name, I wanted to show that, in a way, her parents expected their daughter to be a really happy, smiley baby. So her middle name - Yu Yan - is a Chinese name that describes women with beautiful smiles. It's sort of supposed to throw her name and life into contrast of one another - she was a girl with a beautiful smile, but she wasn't really happy. You catch my drift?


	9. wish i was better

_Dear Alix,_

_Hi Ali. Now that I think about it, I never really came up with a nickname for you other than Ali. I like rolling girl, but that suits me a lot better than it suits you. SO! We weren't very close but I still considered you to be like the younger sibling I never got to have. And I really appreciate you, and everything you've put up with to hang out with me. Thinking about it now, I did a lot of crazy things that you had to witness._

_Sorry about that._

_Honestly, there's not a lot that I can say. We don't know each other that well, I guess. But I do love you, still. You were a great friend to me, even when I was too concerned about my crush on Adrien than building healthy relationships with my fellow compatriots. Also, holy crepe, you and Kim made a lot of dumb dares. Swimming in the Seine? Really? Maybe you guys were a little bit more coo-coo than I was. And I say 'was' because, in the blunt way you seem to appreciate, I'm dead._

_And I'm sorry. I really wanted to join your roller derby, or hang out with you altogether. But I couldn't. It didn't feel right. I still made your custom uniform though. I liked the design too much to_ not _go through with it. I hope you like it - The shorts even have a pocket for your pocket watch! What pocket watch, you ask? Well, I'll tell you now!_

 _I may, or may not, have one to replace the one that broke. And I really,_ really, _want you to have it. It's better off with you than with me. And, my outro being as dramatic as possible: Thank you for all of the time you've given me._

_I appreciate every day, hour, minute and second I've had._

_Your 'gross' friend_

_Marinette Yu Yan Dupain-Cheng_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you got the reference in the first paragraph, tell me! I wanted to come up with an idea to show my gratitude for the love this story has been receiving, and I decided to take any request you guys might have and write them. Be it for this story, or something else entirely. So I wanted to see if anyone would get the reference, without looking it up or anything like that, and, if you did, I'll take your requests. If this is well received, then I'll do this again in a couple more chapters. Thank you so much for reading!


	10. at the back of the shelf

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 10th chapter! Holy crap, I've never managed to write this far into a story before! And we've hit 102 bookmarks! I can't believe this! Thank you, guys! There's gonna be another letter this chapter, but, after this, we're back to the normal story! It's not the last time we hear from Mari though. See you on the flip side!

_Dear Kim,_

_Hi. If I'm being honest, there's far too much that I want to say to you. Actually, I think, other than one other person, your letter is the longest. Or, at least, it will be. I haven't written it in full yet. If I wanted to get right into the nitty-gritty, then I'd say; You hurt me. I loved you. I trusted you despite everything, and you threw me away as soon as the opportunity presented itself. You were my big brother, the person who swore he'd always stand by my side, and you left me to the wolves as soon as it was convenient for you._

_I can't help but wonder if Lila was just as convenient for you as I was? Maybe you never planned to abandon me, but you still did. You_ knew _me. I thought that you, of all people, would help me. But you didn't. And I suffered in silence. Every time Alya and Lila cornered and attacked me, I was praying that you would come to help me. You never did._

_It hurt a lot more than I'd want to admit._

_You guys abandoned me, so I should've just stopped caring. But I didn't. I_ never _stopped caring. I never stopped hoping that you'd help me and cheer me up with a stupid stunt, that Nino would talk to me instead of giving me the silent treatment, that everyone would come to their senses about Lila._

_That you guys would realize that I wasn't that kind of person - the kind of person who would attack someone out of jealousy. I did a lot of crazy things, but I'd never intentionally hurt someone._

_If I'm being honest with myself, I wished that I stopped caring. I wish that it didn't hurt when you guys suddenly left my corner, but,_ God, _it did. I've always done everything I could to help you guys - I practically tore myself apart daily to help you. But, no matter what I did to make you happy, it was never enough. Everyone always had a new problem to solve, a new 'commission' that needed my attention, new reasons why I just_ had _to babysit. Everyone but Marinette got to take a break._

_Everyone but Marinette got to have a life._

_Marinette doesn't need help - she's so responsible that she can do it by herself. Marinette doesn't need sleep - she's so talented that I asked her today to make me an outfit for tomorrow. Marinette can't be akumatized - she's such a positive person, she'd be able to fight off an akuma with a smile._

_Maybe that last one was true. I've never been akumatized, but Hawkmoth got plenty of chances. There was one week where an akuma was following me for hours on end. And I couldn't shove my feelings down enough for it to go away. But it's not fair! Why am I the one that everyone gets to rely on? Who do_ I _get to talk to? It wasn't you, or Nino, or Nathanael, or Alya. I had no one. But everyone wanted me to sit down and listen to how awful their lives were, how stressed they were. No-one stopped to ask how I was doing. No one wondered if I was okay._

_And now, apparently, I'm ranting on freaking paper. Sorry about that. This letter is supposed to be for you, not me._

_I'm just gonna stop that train of thought before I attract another akuma. So, onto what I left for you, that skateboard you wanted me to paint is finished. It turned out really well. I'm pretty proud of it._

_Now that I think about it, you didn't ask for much. The Ondine 'fan' merch is finished too, but that's it. And I'm kind of done, writing letters altogether. I still love you, and I thank you for all of the times you_ did _help me._

_Bye Kim._

_Marinette Yu Yan Dupain-Cheng_


	11. Not An Actual Chapter!!!

Hi, guys! I know it's been a while since I updated this story, but I wanted to ask something of you guys first! I'm planning on doing a one-shot collection, but I have no prompt ideas. So I'm kind of flying blind and writing whatever comes to mind. But I would really like it if, maybe, you guys could leave some ideas in the comments. Any ideas that you have - maybe something you wanted to write but haven't had the time to. Anything like that would be very helpful. Thank you so much for reading this, and I'll update with a real chapter shortly!


	12. Again, Not An Actual Chapter!

Hey, guys. I'm sorry that this update isn't an actual update for the story. But I felt like anyone reading this deserved to know that I'll be taking a break from this story for a bit. I've been losing inspiration for this, and I can't really come up with something to write for the next chapter. But I will return! Hopefully, sometime soon - I won't promise anything, but that's my estimation. Thank you all for reading this! See you guys later!


	13. bloodshot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got struck by some random inspiration, so I'm coming back for a bit with a new chapter. I'm sorry that it took so long.

Chat Noir couldn't hold back his elated whoop as he shot across the Parisian night sky.

After the week he'd had, all he wanted to do was see Ladybug - since, for some reason, there hadn't been a single Akuma. But, luckily enough, they both had patrol! So he made his way towards the Arc De Triomphe, where they usually started their joint patrols, and landed on the structure with the grace of a T-Rex. Sure, he was excited beyond compare to see his lady, but he was exhausted. Between Lila clinging to him at the party earlier that night, dealing with the emotionally draining dinners with his father all week, and Marinette dying a week before - It was an understatement, really. 

Exhaustion couldn't _begin_ to describe the bone-deep ache in his body.

But his lady always had a talent for cheering him up - even if it was just by being there for him. Maybe, if his bad luck decided to turn around, she would sing to him! The last time, her voice had been beautiful, gentle, and warm. And it had been a long time since he'd felt genuine warmth from another person, so he'd certainly needed that.

It didn’t help that Plagg hadn’t spoken to him once since Marinette had passed. The kwamii had been quiet. Adrien hadn’t heard him ask for any more wheels of camembert, for his phone to watch stuff on Youtube™, or anything.

So his cold room had felt even colder than usual.

Just then, he realized that he had yet to see that familiar figure racing towards him, or hear the _zip_ of her yo-yo. And it was well past their usual time to meet. 

Chat grabbed his baton, ready to call her to see if she couldn’t come - Only to see a voice message already there. And he sighed in relief, opening the voicemail with a breath.

" _Hi, Minou! I just wanted to leave a message for you. I wanted to explain why I'm not going to be able to help anymore. There's a new Ladybug! He's gonna do an amazing job, I'm sure of it. And I hope that you'll greet him with open arms since I can't come back._

_I know this is sudden. But I needed to do this._

_I'm self-centred and stupid, and I know how cruel it is for me to assign someone the ladybug miraculous and expect for you to be okay with it. But I don't get a say anymore - I don't get to take everything back and start over again. If it were that simple, then I would be there with you, kicking ass and taking names. I can't do that now. I'll be blunt - By the time you're listening to this, I'm already gone._

_I'm dead._

_And I'm sorry, for not doing more, for not reaching out and accepting your help, for letting every little thing get to me. But I'm not infallible. I was told that I should rise above all of the things that hurt me, and be the bigger person, go the high road, and let the people who hurt me run free. That, by doing that, I'd set a good example._

_But I don't want to be a good example anymore. I don't want this to hurt. I just want it to stop. So, I'm making it stop myself._

_I'm so sorry, Chaton. Goodbye."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I stopped writing for a bit after the last chapter of Sideways, so I'm a little rusty - But I hope you guys enjoyed it. Kinda felt like a monologue kind of day, so I went with it, and I think it turned out pretty well. Tell me what you think in the comments!


End file.
